IF YOU WANNA BEAT THE REST, AND IF YOU WANNA BE THE BEST, WOAHOH, DEDICATIONS WHAT YOU NEED!

three today so far. special one tomorrow, as it will be the last before france. hope you aren’t eating for this first one!

thankfully we never had to see roy or poor old norris officiating these!

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
michelle monohan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in los angeles in july 1991
LONGEST PUBES
maoni vi of cape town has hair mesuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from the vagina
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
linda manning of los angeles could, without preperation, completely insert a lubricated american football
ZIT POPPING
in july 1987, carl chadwick of rugby, england, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7 feet 1 inch
WORST DRINK
the most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is khoona. it is drunk by afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still warm, very recently obtained bull smen. it is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
this is available from a few select bars in new york. it contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a teaspoonful of french mustard and a dash of lime. it is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a ‘cunt pump’
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMENb
horst schultz achieved 18 feet 9 inches with a ‘substantial’ amount of seminal fluid. he also holds the records for the greatest hight (12 feet 4 inches) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph
LONGEST TURD
the longest dump ever verified was produced by an american, who produced a ‘staggering turd’ over a period of 2 hours and 12 minutes which was oficially measured at 12 feet 2 inches. the offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state
MOST PROLONGED FART
bernard clements of london managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 minutes 42 seconds

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6 responses to “IF YOU WANNA BEAT THE REST, AND IF YOU WANNA BE THE BEST, WOAHOH, DEDICATIONS WHAT YOU NEED!

  1. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s safe to let you loose on the net anymore. Where are you surfing for this stuff?? That fart’s impressive though…..

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