so all the fuss about the last episode of lost? what the hell is that about? you want to talk about being stranded with no hope of rescue? try having no broadband for nigh on 7 weeks!

i came home from work one wednesday morning, and as it was my early finish, the enemy was still in bed. so i came upstairs and i sat here, as i tend to do a lot. i though to myself “i know, i will check my e-mail”, click, nothing. click click. nothing. hmm. click click click click…….NOTHING! WTF?

check the connection. “no dialing tone found”

ah, that again. ok, do the usual…reboot, and it’ll be fine, it normally is.

at this point i suppose it’s best to mention that my PC is constantly on. 24/7. the only time it isn’t, isa if the electric goes off, or we are away. the broadband occasionally does turn itself off. just not that often, and mainly it tells me there is no dial tone so all i do is reboot and it’s fine. not this time.

i tried to reboot again. nothing.

bit odd.

bit worried.

check the cable for dog chews. we’ve been there before….remember a few xmas’s back just before a live radio show?

nope. cable ok. check all connections. fine. hmmm

ok. erm. oh i know. reinstall it. right, wheres the disc?

4 hours of searching later, and no disc. oh yes, thats right, i lent it to my sister. one phone call later, and she threw it away.


it’s all good though, cos my ISP just happens to be the supermarket that i work for. i’ll pick a disc up tonight.


we didn’t have one, and the 7 stores i rang didn’t either.


came home the next morning and rang them. “we’ll post one”. which they did. came two days later. quick.

installed it, pressed connect. nothing. “no dial tone”

run diagnostic.

pc = fine

modem = fine

ISP = fault. contact your server.

i did. followed their advise, swapoped splitters, put the libe directly into the main junction box (thankfully slap bang next to the desk!) nope, still nowt.

“ok barnsley, we will have to look at it, but as it’s the weekend, and monday is a bank holiday we’ll not be able to get back to you until wednesday”

“er, fine i guess”

they didn’t ring.

i rang them thursday. went through it all again.

“sorry barnsley, but we’ll have to pass it over to BT”

“erm, ok”

“we’ll ring you monday”

they didn’t ring. i rang them tuesday.

“BT say there’s no fault their end, we’ll pass it onto our secondary fault unit, we’ll ring you friday”

“erm, ok”

they didn’t ring. i rang them saturday.

“sorry barnsley, our secondary unit says there is no fault here. we are looking ionto it. we’ll ring you monday”

“erm, ok” (look, i know little about how the things function…what am i gonna do?)

guess what? yup, i rang tuesday.

“sorry barnsley, it’s been passed back to BT. we’ll ring you…..”

“you better do this time, i am getting pissed off. i’m paying damn good money for summat i can’t use!”

“we will.”

and so it went on.

i was told that BT were doing ‘improvements’ on our exchange.

i was told that my connection had ‘dropped between two servers’

i was told that it was a ‘line fault’

each time they said they would ring, they didn’t.

at no point was i asked if an engineer had come out.

this went on for 6 weeks. finally i blew my top. swore, threatend violence. threatened allsorts!

they decided to send me an engineer.

“oh right, and how long will i have to wait?”

“can you hold?”

“well i aint putting the phone down as you twats never ring me back!”



“ok, morning or ffternoon?”

“well that depends….what day?” (this was a friday)



“tomorrow mr barnsley”

“ah. mr is it now?)

“sorry, morning or afternoon”

“morning please.”

“ok, he will be there between 8am and 1pm”

“er, ok”

and he turned up at….? 10am!! yes, i was shocked too.

5 minutes, if that he’d been there…”it’s your modem”

“no, no, no…it keeps telling me it’s fine when i run the diagnostic!”

“ah, well it will” he then went into the reasons. none of which i understood. “i’ll check everything else though”

he did. it was.

so, basically, if they had sent this bloke six weeks previous, i would have been sorted. arse biscuits!

upon the guys recommendation, we went out and bought this:

so, when the boy finally gets a computer, we can all be linked up, and away we go.

it felt so good to get back on line, like being released from captivity!

and all for the sake of half an hour with a bloke with a laptop and some cable!

the good news is, my account was cleared and they are giving me two months free.

you bet your ass you are! lol.

as for the rest of the time? i’m gonna post a pictorial.


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