THE R.E.M. CLAUSE

that’s what it’s known as in this house and on sunday night it was broken. let me try and explain…

many many moons ago, just as the enemy and my relationship was blossoming, we happened to go to the cinema. now i had chosen the film the previous time and we’d been to see ‘reservoir dogs’ (i had to lie and tell her that no-one had their ear cut off) so it was her turn to choose.

that’s NEVER good.

her choice? ‘when a man loves a woman’

the best way to sum up this film is for me to do a quick review. SO HERE GOES.

meg ryan is an alcoholic. she abuses her kids and husband. she gets better. THE END.

the enemy will freely admit that when i say it is singularly THE worst film i have ever seen, i am not exaggerating. it was only about 90 minutes long, and the first 85 are all about her being a drunk. in the last five she goes into rehab and is made well again. now during the main part of the film there is a “sad” part where the film is quiet except for R.E.M’s “everybody hurts” song playing. now picture the whole cinema quiet, michael stipe is singing what up to that point had been a particular favourite song of mine, and then…
and then from the other side of the building comes a womans howl. fucking crying at the top of her voice! shocking. well, most of the cinema fell about laughing!
i have not been able to hear that song without thinking of that shit film. it ruined it.

which brings us to sunday night. i finished my radio show early so went downstairs where the enemy was watching her weekly dose of grey’s anatomy. i made the mistake of sitting down.

ME: “wha….. why are they singing? in the operating theater? it’s a hospital!”
T.E: “it’s a musical episode”
ME: “do what now?”
T.E: “it’s a musical episode, now shut up, and go make a brew”

so off i plod to the kitchen, and put the kettle on (didn’t suit me so i took it off, filled it with water and switched it on to boil) then i heard it. the intro i didn’t recognize. but the lyrics of the song i did. i hobbled as fast as i could back into the room…

ME: ” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOW DARE THEY? WHAT THE FUCK!!! THAT’S SACRILEGE!”
T.E: shut up! whats up with you?”

the song was The Story by Brandi Carlile (video and lyrics below.) a song close to my heart, simply due to the words “You see the smile that’s on my mouth, It’s hiding the words that don’t come out, And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed, they don’t know my head is a mess. No, they don’t know who I really am. And they don’t know what I’ve been through like you do. And I was made for you”. ok, soppy you may think, but they match up my sentiments and feelings towards the enemy since my smash. but i have never had the bottle to say them to her. (i have just sent her an e-mail with links to the video and the lyrics written out. i know, spineless) and the last place i wanted to see or hear the song was being sung in a crappy american ‘drama’. they ruined it.

JUST AS WHEN A MAN LOVE’S A WOMAN DID FOR R.E.M.

so we have an agreement that the mute button may be pressed at any time during a program if we feel that it may have the same effect. only it wasn’t on sunday. as such i have had the song on repeat on the iPod since, to cleanse my mind. the argument then escalated into me telling her that her taste in music is crap, and that she LISTENS to music, she just doesn’t HEAR it. and it’s the fault of people like her that has turned classic songs such as Hallelujah from being a work of art crafted by Leonard Cohen into “that song form shrek”. but thats a story for another day.

i shall leave you with the delight that is a recording of Brandi Carlile performing The Story live on Jools Holland.

ttfn

sime.

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

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